Motherhood

Lately I have been struggling with the idea that now motherhood is what I do, its who I am, and is something that encompasses my whole soul. It is my career, my hobby, and all I do in my "spare time". I realize that I will never sleep the way that I used to, I can't go on outings with friends anytime I want, and there is no such thing as a "quick" run to the store. My life is revolving around everyone's schedule but my own. Nap schedules, eating schedules, work schedules, school schedules, bedtimes, dishes, laundry, and more. I love being a mom and a wife and I feel so blessed to be able to stay home and do these things, but regardless it is still hard. I'm working though, I'm working toward having gratitude for the diapers and sippy cups and nap times. I'm striving to be grateful for the life I have, even when it's hard.

 I am a mother. And through lots of sleepless nights and endless tears (not all my own) I have come to terms with that. I can't fit into a size 8 jean anymore but I can calm an upset baby. I might not be able to run a mile in under 10 minutes but I can wake up 3 or 4 times a night with a sick kid and still be strong enough to function the next day. Some days I might stay in sweats until noon but I get the enjoyment of playing with my kids and hearing them giggle from the moment I wake up, until bedtime. I may not be able to afford fancy clothes or nice make up anymore but I am happy with my drool covered t-shirts and spit-up stained jeans.  I have been thrown into adulthood by these tiny, precious babies. I have been forced to grow up, forced to realize that life does not revolve around me or my friends or what I want. It revolves around my family, their happiness, their comfort, and their safety. And for that reason, I will not feel bad about missing out on trips with friends, or feel left out when we have to come home early to put Logan and Lily to bed. They are worth it, my family is worth it. And I am not ashamed that motherhood is what I do and who I am. It is and will be the hardest, most challenging task I face in this life and I am grateful for it. I am proud to say that it does and will encompass everything I am for the rest of my life. I am proud to be a Mother.