Sibling Rivalry

I've been having an interesting problem lately. A fight with myself if you would, between the younger me and the soon to be mommy me. You see, I have three siblings, two of which I have no problems getting along with, however my brother that is just older than me.. no matter how old we get or how silly the problem we can't seem to help ourselves but to fight with each other. I have come to the conclusion that the cause of this is our similarities. We are both stubborn, always have the "i'm right, you're wrong" mind set, and are much to proud to ever say I'm sorry. With these common qualities it makes our relationship difficult at times. Just last night we found ourselves in a death match of words which concluded with me storming to my room and slamming the door behind me like my parents were often used to hearing from me while in my youth. When I was inside my room I however found myself crying and thinking what was the matter with me. I am 20 years old, happily married and I am having a baby... yet something inside of me just snaps and takes me flying back into my dramatic preteen years whenever a disagreement with him occurs. I should be better than this shouldn't I? I should be able to sit down and calmly discuss a solution to problems with my brother whom I love, yes? Yes. I should. So last night I laid in bed for hours thinking about our disagreement. Unlike my younger self however, I did not lay there and think about how I was right and he was wrong, or how I should've said this to him, and how horrible he was for making me react this way. Instead I pondered and prayed about how I could fix this. How can I possibly become the woman and the mother I want and need to be if I react this way? How am I going to raise a child if I cannot let go of the child I was and reach forward for the woman I can become? I can't be that woman or reach my highest potential as long as I am being this person. So I found some insight. Quote #1 I just put because I thought it was funny. Quote #2 I loved because I never once in the argument last night thought of his needs or why he might want the things he wanted. Last but surely not least I loved Quote #3 because that describes perfectly my problem. Maturity is how spiritual you become in the midst of your frustrations... When have I now or ever been spiritual when I am confronted with a disagreement? Never. It never even crossed my mind to call upon my Heavenly Father for strength, guidance and love in these times when the carnal Jenny would just love to hurl something at my brothers head. So that is it. My insight into myself for the day ...something probably most of you don't have any interest in but this is my blog so I can write what I want. :) This is my new Goal... to become "more spiritual in the midst of my frustrations."

1. "Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; Maturity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation"
2. “Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself."- John MacNaughton
3. "Maturity is the ability to think, speak, and act your feelings within the bounds of dignity. The measure of your maturity is how spiritual your become in the midst of your frustrations." - Samuel Ullman

The End.